It's not you, it's me.
In throwing myself into a raw diet, I've had to confront and deal with a very serious addiction. Coffee. Going throughout my day without cooked foods, no biggie. Getting through the first twenty minutes of my day without coffee? Extremely difficult.
But its not just the raw diet that is making me reconsider my relationship with the cup. If I were to break down how much money I spent on coffee on a yearly basis, I'd probably feel kind of sick. When I worked as a decorative painter, I made pathetic money and often didn't eat lunch while I was on the job as a reflection of my money situation. That being said, you best believe I picked myself up a Grande Soy Misto from Starbucks on my way to work every day. No matter what. Even though I had probably already had a cup of coffee from my own coffee pot at home.
Besides the blow to my pocket book, I'm concerned about what it's actually doing to my insides. And because I am obviously a freak about what goes in and how it might affect me, it's time for me to do something thats long over due.
Dear Coffee,
You're probably wondering why I haven't called in a few days. Listen, I don't know how to say this...it's just that, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. A lot of thinking about us and our relationship, what we do for one another, how we spend our time together, and I just...See we've been together for a really long time. On and off in fact, for years.
I remember when I was in high school and I would always come and pick you up at the 7/11. I'd fill you up with all sorts of deliciously flavored creamers. Remember how we would mix it up? We had the 'Irish Creamer' and the 'Hazelnut'....oh and how could I forget the 'French Vanilla'? Remember how I used to distinguish you from all my friends cups by sipping you out of one of those little stirring straws? I just wanted you to last....
We would get together a couple times of day way back when. I'd pick you up before school. And then I'd come and grab you again after school. I have a lot of good memories of you from back in the day. You gave me a reason to get in my car and go do something. Any time of day, we'd go for a drive together, we'd run errands together. I'd meet up with people, just to then meet up with you. You gave me a life, coffee.
Then I went to college and our relationship changed a little bit. I was so far away from the 7/11, so we moved onto Starbucks. Sometimes I'd even go get you in a cool funky coffee place, or from a street vendor. We were a little touch and go at times. That first year in NY, you know its funny, but coffee just wasn't as big a priority for me. I knew you were my crutch, and I was just trying to grow up. Be my own Hayley. I mean, if memory serves, we still spent a lot of time together. But it was an off year for sure.
And then I moved to Providence. What a roller coaster, you and me. Remember my Sophomore year? When I had the one cup coffee mate and I made you all the time? It was just so easy, you were always available, I had no friends there so I was really bored and I needed you. Remember how we would stay up all night long? I don't even remember what we were doing, but gosh, we were doing it together. Thank god I had you, coffee. I know, I'm sorry I have to do this. Its when I look back to those times that it becomes so hard to do this....
Anyway, we went on like that all throughout college. Senior year was a bit touch and go for us(all we had was a french press, you know how I feel about those things), until I realized that a really cute guy worked at the Coffee Exchange, and we were back on like we never were before. You gave me a reason to talk to cute guys, and I like really, really appreciated that. I'd walk down and meet you at the coffee shop, and we'd read a book and you'd help me wash down my snack, and I'd people watch and you'd help me write papers, and it was really really great. Those were the days man. We were in our prime, you and me. I thought we'd live like that forever.
So here we are, a few years later and since then we've had our ons and our offs. And listen I know you don't want to hear it and you always always fight me on it, but I really just need to take a break from you. A long one. Maybe we won't even get back together. I can't guarantee anything. No, please...stop it coffee. You know I want you. Shhhhh. Can't you see this is killing me? I love you too its just...just stop it. No seriously. Stop. Stop it. St. Stt..Sttt...Stttop...Stop it. Don't touch me.
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